Hey White Mocha... It's Your Birthday

Wednesday, October 3

Happy Birthday Major John Thomas!
Today is John’s birthday. He is married to my good friend Jenn, and they have two daughters, Sidney (6) and Abby (3). John and I attended the U of I at the same time, but never crossed paths until he started dating Jenn the summer after we had graduated and were no longer on campus.

Jenn picked a good guy to marry. I like John, and he makes me laugh. Not just a funny joke here or there, but gut-busting, fall down on the sidewalk, nearly pee my pants laugh. One of the first times I met John, he and Jenn visited for an Illini football game. I referred to this weekend in Jenn’s birthday post… she used the word “obliviated”. Well on the night when the boys drank and the girls drove, I saw John eat a LaBamba burrito with no hands… attractive…. after which he went outside and sat in a puddle of water. Obviously Jenn and I both over looked those two minor character flaws.

John is a Major in the U.S. Air Force. He used to sit underground with missiles next to the big red Bat Phone, waiting for the “Blow ’em up” call from the President. Later he monitored space, and maneuvered satellites around space debris. Now he works on military strategies that he can’t tell me about. Okay so that is a complete over-simplification of his job, but you get the jist. When he gets his 20 years in he plans to retire from the military. His next career ambition… to be a spiritual advisor to a rap artist… his new rap name will be “White Mocha”, which happens to be his favorite drink at Starbucks/Caribou Coffee. I like this about John… you can’t say he isn’t well rounded! When he tells you of said plans he sounds really serious. It drives Jenn nuts… I can’t stop laughing, pretty much the desired effect.

Okay, so one of my funny JT stories. When he was in college he had an old beater bike that he rode. He always illegally locked his bike to parking meters etc. The parking cops essentially “booted” his bike, until he registered the bike so that they could ticket him for illegally locking it. He filled out the registration papers while the parking cop waited… rather than John Thomas he used the name “Haywood Jablowmy” and a bogus address. The cop looked at the registration, and then said thank you and went on his way, and John continued to illegally park his bike the rest of the year, while “Haywood“ received all of his tickets. Another JT story… he and Jenn were visiting and we were out at Cowboy Monkey and one of the local transvestites (who really needs some style tips) “Debbie” walked by, when she got past us you could see her skirt tucked into her pantyhose… a very unfortunate look. John’s response… “Dude! That lady is a dude!”.

John is one of my favorite visitors. When he is back in C-U he loves to hit is favorite college eating spots. I don’t have to cook… I just get ready to eat LaBamba, Papa Dels and Zorbas.

Nik and I will be hitting the road next Friday to see John, Jenn and the girls. We are meeting them in Iowa City for the Illinois vs. Iowa football game. It is about half way between C-U and their home near Omaha. I am looking forward to the trip. I am sure I will pick up a few more funny JT stories to add to his birthday blog next year.

Happy Birthday White Mocha!!